小鱼语文费尔教育初中资源网教育好网
  
首页 | 小学作文 | 初中作文 | 高中作文 | 英语作文 | 其它相关 | 公文频道
您的位置:首页 > 英语作文 > 高考作文
高考英语习作点评:上大学是否必要

As the cartoon shows, nowadays, many college graduates have low income which is as much as migrant workers[1]. Faced with the phenomenon, we can't help asking ourselves that is it necessary to go to university?[2]
Were I left to make a judgement[3], I would be in agreement with going to college, for if you want to obtain a full life, the experience in college is a part with no subtitude[4]. On the one hand, we can exercise our ability, like cooperation, communication, guidance[5], which will be late to learn after you enter the society[6]. On the other hand, high salary requires both diploma and experience, so it can account for the low income of college graduates who have little work experience. But, college graduates should be aware that they have more potential of promotion, and today's low wage won't be their final altitude of income.
In summary, I want to underline the importance of going to college again[7] and hope that graduates can look the study in college as a development of their life, not only the resort of high salary.

总评:16分. 这篇文章能表现出你在用词和句法结构上的优势。特别是后半部分写的很好。可是我标注出来的7个问题严重影响了得分。请在下次练习时谨记我的叮嘱:一定要顺,一定要保证不错。亮点不要过多追求。不然得不偿失。

修改意见:
[1] 此处有三个不足,第一个是用词"much",应该用"little",因为这里我们想说的应该是不多的工资;第二个不足是比较的对象不对。全句应该改成:many college graduates have low income which is as little as migrant workers do. 第三个就是这里句式也得繁琐了,那个定语从句完全不需要。
更好的表述:Many college graduates earn as low salary as migrant workers do.
Many college graduates earn no more than migrant workers do.
[2] 这里你整个句式是ask sb sth. 是由动词ask 接的两个双宾语。那么整个句子怎么会用到问号呢?这里说明对whether 引导的名词性从句的功能不熟悉。
正确的表述:We can't help asking ourselves whether it is necessary to go to a university.
We can't help asking ourselves: is it necessary to go to a university?
特别强调:大家千万不要一想到链接主从分句就想到 that 这个词,在分词分句中(主语从句,表语从句,宾语从句,同位语从句)它后面跟随的都是一个完整的陈述句。
[3] 这是个拼写小错误。改成:judgment. 不熟悉的单词大家自己要关注细节
[4] 代替,代替品,整个词汇是:substitute。记住:后面是三个"t",没有"d"【5】 这里有三个并列,在后两个之间用"and"。改成:like cooperation, communication and guidance
[6] 这个地方你在写的时候应该就感觉怪怪的。但是你还是坚持写了。因为你想用个非限定性定语从句,所以给这个地方的表达带来很大的挑战。以后一定要注意,没有把握的地方千万不能再考试中冒险。其实你可以退一步。在which 前面用句号结束。后面写:If we can't obtain them until we enter the society, it is certainly too late. 不就很顺畅了。
如果偏要用which,我改:which are the necessary skills with which you are armed before entering the society. 但是在考试的时候你很难有时间去组织这样的句子呢。
[7] 这个地方副词again放在句末很不妥当。读者会混淆这里 again 到底修饰 underline 表示“再强调”呢,还是修饰 going to college 表示“再上大学”。所以应该如下:I want to underline once again the importance of going to college. 这就很清晰:我想再一次强调上大学的重要性。

结语:你的基础还是这个基础,如果你不要那么勉强自己,不要去犯下这些本来可以避免的错误。你拿到21-22分是很正常的。分得到了,脑子也没有经受那么大的折磨。朋友,这两全的事你愿意吗?


高考英语习作点评:上大学是否必要来自费尔教育。 点这里回到顶部

上一篇: 高中英语作文大赛 第19期:Grab a Red Envelope

下一篇:返回列表

打印此文】【关闭窗口】    您的支持是我们的动力!
正在载入,请稍候……
最新文章
| 关于本站 | 设为首页 | 加入收藏 站长邮箱 | 友情链接 | 版权申明 | 联系我们 |